1. You start scrolling through listings online, which you have to squint at for, like, 17 minutes just to understand.
2. Or they’re so creepy you consider calling the police.
3. Je téléphone à la police!!!
4. And the only places in your budget have the shower in the kitchen???
5. Or the decor is…um…eclectic.
6. I love the mid-century modern look of this space.
7. You learn to run the other direction when you see a listing with the word “cozy.”
8. Because ven when a listing says the bedroom is “massive,” you might show up and discover it’s the size of a coffin.
9. But the broker basically has a master’s degree in putting a positive spin on the place.
10. And your communication with them is just *kisses fingers like Italian chef* so good.
11. You end up touring, like, 85 apartments in one day, and all of the current tenants have never heard of Lysol.
12. Your standards start to sink lower and lower.
13. Except, even when you find a place you like, apartments rent so quickly that you barely have any time to decide if it’s really worth forking over thousands of dollars and a good kidney.
14. And before you know it, the only places you found livable are off the market.
15. So, you keep hunting…and hunting…and eventually, another diamond in the rough appears — with a dishwasher!!!
16. By the grace of Beyoncé, your application is accepted! You put down your deposit! And you sign your life awa— I mean, the lease!
17. Savings and emotions drained, you finally exhale, knowing that before long, you’ll be settled into your new home, a lil’ corner of the city that’s all yours.