16 "No Man Has All Five" Tweets That Are Downright Hilarious

Earlier this week Twitter user @bittermulattos tweeted this list claiming “no man has all five.”

no man has all five: 1. good dick 2. communication skills 3. 0 hoes 4. A height over 5’9 5. Ability to display emotion

Over the course of the week, the tweet has gotten over 204,000 likes and thousands of retweets and comments.

1. Naturally, people have been coming up with their own lists of five things people may or may not have.

No man has all five 1. texts me back 2. 3. 4. 5.

2. Like this Flavortown resident.

no man has all five 1. sports car 2. spiky bleached hair 3. diners 4. drive-ins 5. dives

3. Or this elusive mystery woman.

no woman has all five 1. apple bottom jeans 2. boots with the fur 3. the whole club looking at her 4. them baggy sweat pants 5. and them reeboks with the straps

4. This list with its “subtle” mention of Rick Astley.

no man has all five: 1. perfect hair 2. a beautiful singing voice 3. the will to never give you up 4. the ability to never let you down 5. the strength to never run around and desert you fuck you rick astley you lying piece of shit you broke my heart

5. Or this list including *THAT* Zara shirt.

No gay has all five: – Never has dyed their hair blonde – Doesn’t own *THAT* striped Zara shirt – True vers – Hasn’t ever captioned a selfie “thank u, next” – Can parallel park

6. Some stick to the original formula and make the clever lists about men.

No man has all five: 1. Clean sheets 2. The ability to make a woman cum 3. A height over 5’10 4. Willing to commit 5. Friends who aren’t drug dealers

7. Ah, men.

no man has all five: 1. separate shampoo and conditioner 2. emotional intelligence 3. a blank criminal record 4. more than 3 items in their fridge 5. friends who aren’t drug dealers

8. While others focus on groups like runners.

no runner has all five 1. every toenail 2. a durable body 3. airpods 4. a social life 5. fast finish

9. Texans.

No Texan has all five 1. A truck 2. A stack of Whataburger numbers 3. Boots 4. An opinion on the Dallas Cowboys 5. Vegetables in their fridge

10. Or this little jab at people from Buffalo.

no buffalonian has all five 1. sobriety 2. ranch in the fridge 3. snow tires 4. zubaz 5. a winning sports team

11. Some focus on individuals like Luigi.

no man has all five 1. is italian 2. has a mustache 3. wears a green hat and overalls 4. is slightly taller than his brother 5. texts me back

12. Shaq.

No woman has all five 1. 1st round draft pick 2. 324lbs 3. 7 foot 1 4. Star of kazaam 1996 5. Is shaq

13. And the lovely Danny Devito.

no man has all five: 1. beautiful face 2. smol body 3. kind eyes 4. cute laugh 5. toe knife oh wait, one man does, Danny Devito

14. Some focus on Hannah Montana.

No man has all five: 1. smooth talkin’ 2. so rockin’ 3. everything that a girl’s wantin’ 4. guitar cutie 5. plays it groovy

15. Or 2018 NL CY Young Award winner Jacob deGrom.

No woman has all five: 1. A devastating arsenal of pitches 2. Impeccable control 3. 1.70 ERA in 2018 4. A long-term contract extension with the Mets 5. The 2018 NL Cy Young Award

16. They are as funny as they are unique — like this one proving there is no Mr. Brightside.

No woman has all five – Falling Asleep – Calling a cab – Having a smoke – Taking a drag – Going to bed, stomach is sick

What’s you’re version of “No___ has all five:”?


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Jeremy Kappell: Fired weatherman accused of using racial slur says he didn’t even know what he said

Revealed: Sudanese immigrants are increasingly having their visas cancelled on character grounds